...or should I say sparkles? All that sparkles isn't gold. But that's exactly what happens to Cedric Diggory when he is exposed to sunlight in the ever popular Twilight saga. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant
Edward...not Cedric. So here it is, the anticipated review that no one was even looking forward to reading (yet I'm still compelled to write): Twilight (the movie).
I should preface this with the fact that I am a Harry Potter fan (make fun here) and am no stranger to fantasy novels. There's a wonder and whimsy and innocence to the story that really engaged me. As for Twilight, it's more of a watered down fantasy smut novel, I'm sure you're all familiar with the plot so I'll spare you. Now I had
only learned of this phenomenon recently, in the past few weeks, because Stewie's mom, my sister, and every girl on BGSU's campus is now obsessed. As a result of an AMAZING clip from The Soup, Robert & I convinced ourselves to go see the movie. And WOW, it worked. At least in the sense that I can't stop talking about it.
Let's start with the glitterati, since I already mentioned it. Perhaps I'm a bit biased due to the fact that I'm into "vampiric" things. These guys are supposed to burst into flame when subjected to sunlight! Not in Twilight, not even close. These vampires can go out during the day, and are only affected by direct exposure, which gives them the "sparkles". For those of you who watch Arrested Development, think of the time George Michael wanted to buy AnneHog the diamond dust. Remember later on in the episode where w
e see Tobias wearing it instead? Think of that, and then add CGI.
Next, the dialogue. There is actually a part before Cedric, er...Edward and Bella go frolicking and flying through the woods where he holds out his hand to her. There is a dramatic pause, an intense look, and the words "Do you trust me?" are uttered. At this point, I lost it. Immediate flashback to Disney's Aladdin before the magic carpet scene. Not to mention Robert's favorite line: "Your mood swings are starting to give me whip lash". Comic gold.
The make up. Oh dear god, where do I start? I understand that this movie was low budget, but I can honestly say I've seen better face jobs on the runway at Bretz on a Friday night or the dance floor at Uptown/Skybar on a Wednesday.
The acting was so intense that Robert Pattinson's forehead probably had to be exercised daily if he were furrowing his brow as much as he did. Glares, nostrils flaring... it was just so overdone. Very Bold and the Beautiful if you ask me.
Honestly, I can't believe I've gone this far into it. I will never write another "review".
So in conclusion, it was completely worth the $2.25 I spent. At least for as many times as I laughed out loud. I was thoroughly entertained almost the whole time.
For Robert's review (a much more condensed and wittier take on the movie), go
here.
